Sale el Sol

El martes fue un mal día. No, realmente el día no estaba tan mal sino que la tarde fue una pesadilla. Last week I was thrilled to see that my first day alone with my class didn't destroy me. That it actually went well! Tuesday it was like they were a completely different class. My mentor teacher had her seminar meeting until 2, and then she had to leave to go do something for her new house. So from the time they got back from art to the end of the day they would be all mine. I didn't know until that morning, but I wasn't concerned. No prob, I mean, last week everything was fine right? I'm not sure what it was exactly, maybe a mixture of things. But take 25 kids that are more comfortable with school by the third week, afternoons being just crazier in general, and add to it that I'm pretty sure they've caught on to the fact that I'm not a real teacher, and you've got quite a nightmare on your hands. Or at least I did anyway. It was insane. In the first 10 minutes 2 kids had already changed their lights (not that they even cared) and even the best, quietest students were out of control. They whole class was so talkative and disrespectful. There was nothing I could do to make them listen. And that's pretty terrifying for a teacher. I mean, when it's a couple specific kids there are things you can do. But when the entire class just doesn't want to listen, they don't have to. You can only talk sternly so much and change so many lights. There's nothing you can do and you're kind of at the mercy of 25 6-year-olds. At one point, my teacher came back to get her purse and stuff and looked at me and kind of asked if I was ok. I wanted to say, "No! Don't leave, please!" And at another point there was an instructional specialist helping me out, but they weren't even listening to her that much. And I felt bad because she was redirecting students all over the place and that's supposed to be my job, but they just wouldn't listen to me! I went home and cried that evening. Teaching is hard. That was the first day I've gone home actually wishing it was Friday.

The next morning I was so nervous about going back, about having to tell my teacher what happened and not knowing at all how she would respond. Fortunately, she's wonderful and said just what I needed to hear. I explained everything and I guess she could see how upset I was. She just told me to forget all about yesterday, that those days happen and that we really have a tough group. She told me that the first time she subbed she went home crying. That it will be very different when I have my own class. She talked to the class about respect that morning, about her expectations and their behavior. And I'm kind of taking more of an active role in the class too. Still starting small, but there are certain things that I'm teaching each day and co-teaching with her. And throughout the day she just kept telling me to forget about the day before, not to worry about it. Teaching is hard, and there are days like that. But it's not all like that, and I will persevere. Because there's not a doubt in my mind that this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do!